Desert Vista High SchoolThe air is crisp as the pale sunrays cascade a halo of radiance and beauty on the picnic tables. Three students are silhouetted against this glorious bubble, and their countenances are pensive. What could this trio of ravishing young male specimens possibly be contemplating? We move a little closer to listen in on their thoughts and dreams…
“Did you try the ‘Magic Fingersä’ at the piano concert last night?”1. Mindless Routine
“Hey guys, I’ve been wondering…what is it that makes our lives so great? Is it our good looks, or charm, or intellect, or personalities?”
“No, Tye, it’s none of these, but rather, this magnificent school of ours.”
“Sweet sassy molassy, you’re right! We must tell the world, and regale all the land with tales of splendor and mystery and blissful romance. The three of us, together, forever; we will tell the world of Desert Vista…using the power of lists.”
Desert Vista is very similar to your favorite childhood blanket: it’s safe, warm, comforting, and always exactly as you left it. Or perhaps, it’s more like the song that every radio station plays, and no matter what frequency you turn to, the same reassuring and familiar melody is there, lulling you into heavenly slumber at the steering wheel of life. That’s why I love my school--the rhythmic and cyclical day-to-day routines never change, never abandon me, or leave me to guess about the terrors of experience.
Allow me to elaborate. Much like a unified farm system or cartoon mystery-solving team, our school’s success is due to its adamant solidarity and groovy teamwork. The formulaic nature of our core class requirements, cliques, and bell systems allows for optimum efficiency: simply plug a student into our time-tested equation, and their role in the Desert Vista community is algebraically and flawlessly calibrated. No matter what their talents are, everybody is allotted… not out of selfishness, or want of a Scooby Snack, but out of brotherhood and fraternity. Whether you’re a scholastic workhorse who always says, “I will try harder,” a problem-solver with Thelma-esque intuition, or simply have a knack for Orwellian satire, we accept you with open and vice-like arms.
I’m proud to be a student here. Desert Vista is on all my pre-set radio stations, and I wouldn’t mind listening to this song for the rest of my life.2. Extravagance
Most public schools require several forms of documentation proving residency, guardianship, etc. Here at Desert Vista we do things a little differently. When registering, I was asked for a photocopy of a pink slip to my 7 series BMW and a cataloged list of my Abercrombie wardrobe; neither of which were needed once I flashed some fatty ice at them. Once accepted into the country club, one can enjoy a fashion show at every corner, Prada and Channel ain’t no thang, high priced pizza, and teachers who envy your lifestyle. Academic and athletic success is shadowed by our opulence and lavish weekends. An abundance of resources in the Ahwatukee foothills has consequently led to extremely ridiculous, yet satisfying adolescent luxuries, including stocks in Microsoft, the standard in teenage investment. This all leads to an extremely careless and wasteful senior year with thousands spent on weekend brouhaha and cheap Mexican hotels. Upon graduation, students are awarded ownership of a small portion of the ASU student body to organize into economically discriminative classes.3. Insurmountable Workload
First, raw materials are harvested and placed in a blast furnace, where these skyrocketing temperatures are able to burn away any impurities. Once the molten material cools, it becomes harder, more elastic, and more ductile than ever before. No, I’m not talking about steel; I’m talking about a Desert Vista student. The magnificent institution that is Desert Vista High School seeks to mold its young minds into the most effective working machines possible. By harnessing the competitive nature of students and their families, the establishment is able to construct the perfect training ground for the workforce’s future super-soldiers. Upon entering DV, “gifted” freshmen learn that the next four years are dedicated to success in whatever way possible. In between cello lessons, volunteering, soccer practice, club meetings, and fabulous martial arts, it is necessary that a successful scholar takes multiple honors and advanced-placement classes… and gets all A’s. Although along the way, many students will fall off the shining path; those that survive will be much better for it. Not only do these triumphant students elevate their personal standings, they cast Desert Vista in a brilliant ray of glory.
From upon our lofty perch of academic and athletic success paired with a mindless routine dressed in extravagance, we are able to look upon other schools, and say with confidence: “We’re better than you and we know it.”
Desert Vista Statistics
16440 South 32nd Street
Phoenix, Arizona 85048
Desert Vista Website
Blue and Gold
“Excellence in Teaching & Learning”
29 over the past 3 years
Speech and Debate
2004-05 State Champs
Awarded title of Arizona’s Outstanding 5A Athletics Program for the year 2005-06
13 State Championships
2nd in State for 2006 American Math Competition
94% sophomores met AIMS Math requirements in Spring 2006 (best in state)
52 students with perfect 800 SAT scores in past 8 years
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