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Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Why is that? Make eye contact to show you are listening and interested. 1827 quotes from Stephen R. Covey: 'But until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise. Politics, coronavirus, masks, black lives matter…..these words exhaust and overwhelm me mentally. The experts call this “active listening”, and there are a few different components: Pay attention. You may express your wonderment and curiosity and begin to ask questions or clarification or deeper understanding or more background. They were in the same meeting as me, yet the minutes didn’t reflect the conversation we had. What happens when you feel like you are not being heard? The other way to listen to customers is to listen with the intent to understand. Yesterday, a valued colleague described a fascinating professional interaction and used the phrase, “listening with intent.”While I imagine this is something on the level of “seek first to understand,” the phrasing works for me.It connotes a significant and deep personal investment in focusing on another human…something lacking from most of our interchanges in life and in the workplace. I wonder what experience they’ve had with this in the past? What is the problem with listening to respond? This is probably my number 1 goal. Your first reaction to the pause may be to simply wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey MOTIVATIONAL WRITER. If you won’t give your full attention to someone who wants to speak with you, how are they going to react? ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’. et des millions de livres en stock sur Amazon.fr. Even if you’re not talking to someone, you can be a very valuable resource, you … Do you listen with the intent to understand the person who is speaking? A common objection to this style of listening is that reflecting slows down the conversation and gets in the way of decision making. I can’t believe they actually think that point is valid. 6. Unimportant? You’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much they’re willing to listen to and understand your point-of-view. Fill in any gaps for them. You want to understand, you want to know their viewpoint. How I learned to listen. And I think, as a country, we listen with the intent to respond and not with the intent to understand where people are coming from. The one who has the true intention to understand never face the complication in conquering any of the discussions, conversations and not even in … Reflecting definitely takes more time, but by listening to understand accurately means you can save time too, because you won’t have errors in communications. It makes no difference; it’s a pause. Observe the other person’s body language. 1. How did it make you feel? Listen with intent to understand, not reply. “When you interact with someone, do you listen with an intent to understand or with an intent to respond?” Their answer is often: ‘Oh! This means not thinking about what you want to say while your prospect is talking. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. Joseph does an awesome job with working with freelancers online that do things for my company and what Joseph says all the time is that people just want someone to listen with intent to understand. Debi Edy. Anonymous SEPTEMBER 13, 2018 Listen to learn what is being said. Use it often. You're listening with the intent to control the interaction. It takes a conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand. Here's how to make sure your intentions are good. Or they can be rich, active, intense experiences that lead to serious learning. A few key things happen from their point-of-view: Steven Covey in his, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about. Listen with the intent to understand. Humans are intuitive. Annoyed? These are important conversation pieces, but the majority feel as if their personal belief on these matters are the only correct perspectives. 3. I firmly believe it has a root cause in the fact that people listen with the intent to respond – NOT with the intent to understand (a quote made famous by Stephen R. Covey). As Stephen Covey wrote in his famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." As you watch the non-verbal cues people provide as they are processing a message you often know they are itching to vocalize their response versus listening to truly understand the message content. Yes. On my second medical firm, I had the opportunity to watch an expert listener at work. I find that, as I'm working, I tend to listen to reply rather than listen to understand. Without judging. When you’re short on time (which, let’s face it, most leaders are), it will help you to manage conversations and situations quickly. What’s your reaction when someone actually listens to you and truly wants to understand? This relates closely to another blog I wrote about listening with the intent to understand. Don't listen with the intent to reply. Cynthia Tobar is an artist, activist-scholar, archivist and oral historian who is passionate about creating interactive, participatory stories documenting social change. If you heard these answers from someone you work with, you might call them inattentive and rude. In mind, definitely not! Try it. But what a difference it will make in your life if you even get marginally good at it. Most of us could be better listeners. Here’s a quote from the […]. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. What a good question!’ My client responded in this exact same way. Listen to the problem and repeat the key points to validate your understanding. How do you like yours?”. What “Listening to Understand” Looks Like. If you’re truly curious and wondering , then your response when that inevitable pause comes will be totally different. Maybe. The foundation of humility is the willingness to listen with the intent to understand. It seems, most of the time, we are not… It's an entirely different paradigm. You’ll need to leave it for longer if you’re using a teapot. If you feel you need to interject, try saying “I understand”. Instead of thinking about what you want to say while the other person is talking, really listen to them. Classic responses include: “I get bored when people don’t get to the point”. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Let them be heard and finish what they are saying. It's easier said than done. You listen with reflective skills, but you listen with intent to reply, to control, to manipulate. Listen with Empathy and Intent to Understand How do I use this tone? I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. If this scenario reflects in any way what you are experiencing while “listening” to other people, then you listen with the intent to respond. We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute. ', 'Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand: they listen with the intent to reply." If we’re not willing to discipline ourselves to truly understand the other person or pay to give […], […] his chapter on establishing trust, Dr. Apr 27, 2015 - Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Once they realize you’re trying to understand their point-of-view, they become less rigid in their stance and more willing to admit it’s just their point-of-view. And most importantly, once you’ve fully listened to and attempted to understand their point-of-view, they’re much more willing to listen to and be open to your point-of-view. Is anyone listening to you? Try this time-saving approach. It can tell you a lot about how their feelings about the subject. Notice their eye contact and body language. This sparks a very different reaction on their part. You can learn a lot from listening to others, but when you choose to listen with intent to understand you will learn at a much deeper level – about your team and your organisation. Whatever you’re response. When you listen with the intent to understand, your curiosity kicks in. I often ask clients, "When you interact with someone, do you listen with an intent to understand or with an intent to respond?" At times, we’re all guilty of not listening actively. Listening with intent to understand is an incredibly useful skill, particularly in emotional situations where leaders need detailed information to make decisions. Confirm what actions, if any, you need to take as a result of the conversation. “And then I sat back and I listened. Have you missed anything? Repetition is annoying and frustrating. Steven Covey in his, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about. Everyone will appreciate being heard and saving precious time. Active listening enables you to quickly identify and fill knowledge gaps and avoid going over old ground. Retrouvez Do Not Listen With The Intent To Reply But With The Intent To Understand: A soft cover blank lined journal to jot down ideas, memories, goals, and anything else that comes to mind. The minutes detailed what the person wanted to hear or perhaps thought they heard. Stephen Covey Quotes Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply. It’s okay. This is one of my favourite habits from his seven. Do the same from the other person’s perspective. I’ll go and make us both a brew! At times, we’re all guilty of not listening actively. | Heartfelt Love And Life Quotes | Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Listening with the intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to direct the customer where you think they need to go. You’re not trying to catalog the points you’re hearing. Those moments when you nod and smile in the right places. Probably all the above. Your brain has a lot more capacity than your think. Listening is an incredible skill to have in the workplace. Cloud speaks to connection between people; listening to understand, empathizing and connection. Listening is so valuable even in messages online. In other words they just want someone who will listen to them even online. You can actually listen to another person at the same time as you act as an observer to watch what your own brain is doing. You can learn a lot from listening to others, but when you choose to listen with intent to understand you will learn at a much deeper level – about your team and your organisation. Patrick Neifert. I know you can. You can learn sometng new. Those moments when you nod and smile in the right places. Ana calma from Philippines AUGUST 31, 2019 Exactly. The difference lies in our intention: the purpose and awareness with which we approach the occasion. Most of us do it most of the time. Nod occasionally to indicate you understand and are following the message. 2. I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of lazy listening. Listening and observing can be passive activities—in one ear and out the other, as our mothers used to say. Your Comments. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Active listening is based on the principle of confirming understanding. The answer is, when you listen to respond, we are generally formulating and answer in our head while the person is talking, i.e. I don't think I do that as much when I'm not working. Learn how your comment data is processed. Today's topic is how listening with the intent to understand makes all of your #relationships better. Patrick Neifert. It means to really focus on the words they are saying and what is going on in their mind. Achetez neuf ou d'occasion Repeat short phrases to indicate understanding. True Hunters and Closers understand the strength behind listening to a prospect's request, concern, and ultimately their needs. And let me also clarify another conclusion you reached that is counter to all the facts we have.”. This is speaking heart to heart. How could they be so naive? Only recently, a colleague sent me the minutes of a meeting. Listen to their words, watch their body language, and focus on the speaker completely. It will be refreshing. I probe a little deeper to understand the reasons for their answers. They become more open to questioning their own point-of-view because you’re honestly questioning it in an attempt to understand and not with the intent to control or discredit it. I do, too, Patrick! Most of us do it. Listening with an intent to understand is assuming real value in the message. This is one of my favourite habits from his seven. How can I better listen to understand in my work? You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. It led me to question whether they were present in the room. Is that right?”, Paul: “Yes, but you missed out allowing the tea to brew. Video 141/365 of daily motivational and #mindset videos. When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. Listen with the intent to understand. Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. I like to ask clients a couple of questions around listening: The response to both questions is often ‘No’. Ask if you’ve got the facts correct. To truly listen and understand what’s being said means making the choice to be 100 percent present in the moment and allowing the speaker to captivate your attention. Keeping in mind nowadays mentality, people usually search for the place or person, where they would have listened with an intent to be understood. EXCELLENCE   I   EFFICIENCY   I   EFFECTIVENESS, The attributes of an effective communicator, Webinars for Nationwide Virtual Workshops, Interactive Online User-Led Training Packages. Achetez most people do not listen with the intent to understand; Womens Continental Tunic Vest Large livraison gratuite retours gratuits selon éligibilité (voir cond.) You’re pretending to listen, when you’re really thinking about what to have for dinner or that paper you need to finish before the end of the day. This form of listening is taught by business schools and coaches, and it’s not about just nodding and smiling your way through as she speaks. Add Comment. document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "acafed6e68c2e6cec208dbdbf62484e7" );document.getElementById("bd23dfa829").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Were they having an out-of-body experience? That point is not supported by fact, so I can instantly discount that. Turn and face the other person. We all appreciate the benefits of listening, such as listening to ignite other people’s thinking, but most of us are not that good at it. Those two points support my side of the argument so I’ll immediately respond with those. If it’s driven by curiosity and wonderment, the other person will immediately know that you’ve been listening to understand. You're listening with the intent to control the interaction. Do you listen with the intent to understand or with the intent to reply? ~ Stephen R. Covey . Best to ask the individual whether they like it strong or weak.”, Paul: “Great, I understand. The other person pauses; they may not even be finished with their point of view, but just pausing a moment to collect their thoughts or even pausing a moment before presenting their obviously convincing closing statement. I’m a huge fan of Stephen Covey’s wisdom. Present in person? “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Try not to interrupt the person speaking. Listening with empathy is giving of yourself. Listen with the intent to understand: Don’t listen with the intent to reply. If there are any gaps in knowledge, ask the other person to fill the missing pieces of information. Consider how the other person or people in the conversation might feel as a result. And one more solid point: In my book, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, the number one trait of a great leaders is humility. Listening is one of those skills that we're not really taught how to do. Listening Pass It On® Pass It On® share tweet pin email print. Listening with the intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to direct the customer where you think they need to go. Let’s apply this to an everyday situation…, Sam: “Do you know how to make a cup of tea?”, Sam: “Talk me through the steps you go through to make a cup of tea”, Paul: “Boil the kettle, pop a teabag in a cup, pour on the boiling water, allow to brew, remove the teabag, add milk, stir and serve.”, Sam: “OK, so I need to boil the kettle, add boiling water to teabag, take the teabag out, add milk, stir and serve. If you’re like most of us, you’ll find your own brain developing some sort of check list: Then the moment happens. we can miss vital points which might change what we were going to say. Learning to listen with the intent to understand is one of the most important skills that a sales professional can acquire in his or her career. Practice it. […] of value to offer, we’re not willing to pay. ', and 'Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Exploring Management of the Absurd, Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the Non-Essential. Frustrated? Listen with the intent to understand. Noté /5. Take in their tone of voice as well as what they are actually saying. So you jump in: “Let me reinforce a couple of statements you made earlier because I believe they make my point exactly. When you learn the active listening technique, you’ll become far more effective and efficient in everything you do. About this Site | © 2019 Team Leadership Culture | platform by Apricot Services, What Makes for a Great Leader: Two Pillars, Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the…, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, Power of Integrity - Team Leadership Culture, Absurd! That reminds me I need to pick up dog food on the way home. The next time you’re listening to something, especially on a topic where you don’t necessarily agree, try this experiment: Use part of your brain to pay attention to what you’re thinking when listening to the other person. Debi Edy. When someone is talking to you, look at them. I wonder what they believe will be the best outcome. To help you remember key details, try building pictures in your mind to depict any actions or challenges. And on and on and on until you’re forced to pause and the cycle repeats. You may actually ask if there is a conclusion on further thought. You’re wondering. It’s really important, otherwise the tea won’t taste very nice.”, Paul: “Ah, so how long do I need to leave it to brew?”, Sam: “A couple of minutes should be plenty for a cup of tea. ', 'Most people do not listen with the intent to understand or the! Make my point Exactly reaction on their part and repeat the key points to your!, Paul: “ Great, I mean listening with the intent to understand how listening listen with intent to understand intent to,... When I 'm working, I mean listening with the intent to understand, not the to. Do I use this tone be to simply wait to see if there is conclusion. Truly wants to speak with you, look at them watch their body language, focus... 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